Happy Thanksgiving

I am sitting here this morning. It is 7:33 am and the whole house is quiet. It is chilly this morning in sunny Florida so the heat has kicked on giving the house that nice cozy warm feeling.

This is a hard day, the first of many Thanksgiving Days without my dad. I have had a couple of phone calls and emails yesterday with friends thinking of me and wanting me to know at this time of year I am in their thoughts. How kind, how lucky I am to have so many people who care about me.

For the first time since my dad died I felt "bright" the other day. It was a feeling in my whole body of hope. I miss him today, but I miss him everyday. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep.

I am thankful this year as always. I am thankful for my loving family, my friends, our home, my families health. I am healthier this year. I am back in my smallest size jeans and pants in my closet. I am thankful for Amy who showed me weigh training at the gym!

Five years ago on Thanksgiving morning I woke up in my parents bed in their old home in Ft. Lauderdale. Andrew had an ear infection and a fever and I was about to see my Aunt Paula for the last time. What a Thanksgiving that was. It is hard to believe that was 5 years ago. I miss Aunt Paula so much. When something good happens I still want to pick up the phone and call her. She was so much a part of our life. She was able to be at all our celebrations after Andrew was born.

This morning I woke up in my own bed. But somethings don't change. Andrew and Jeff were right there besides me. I heard the patter of Andrews feet on the tile at 6 am run to our bed and climb over me to get into the middle and fall back to sleep.

I am so sad for my mom this morning having to wake up alone. My heart is broken for her. There are no words to describe how badly I feel for her. There are only tears.

My dad loved Thanksgiving. He loved turkey and sweet potatoes. He loved stove top stuffing. He loved his family. He loved to sing the duck and turkey song and this was the one day of the year my mom let him do it.

I wish all my family and friends a peaceful day today. Thanksgiving is a calerie free day! Take the time to reflect today. Think of all you have to be thankful for and enjoy the day. Right now my heart is heavy but I do feel brightness in there. It takes time. I have been down this road before. The first without them. Mommy, Daddy, Nanny and Aunt Paula. My dad had so many sayings. Some he would say over and over. I think he did that so that when he was gone I would hear them. I can hear him say, " Jocie, life is for the living." "Nobody ever said that life was fair." " You have two choices, you can either join them or be a survivor."

I was blessed to have my dad for 42 years. I only had my mom for 14. I had my Nanny for 27 years and my Aunt Paula for 37. I live for them, for my family for the future. I believe that one day we will all be together again, but not now. I have living to do.

Be blessed for the things you have. Be blessed for the beautiful memories you have. Be blessed for the people in your life. My son just woke up and came in to the office and gave me a big hug. I just felt his warm body. I am blessed. I love you Daddy. I miss you.